Volume 2, Number 12
July 1996
A column by Ed Rochelle
'Shoulda, woulda, coulda..'The recent 'blood letting' that has been taking place in the stock market has gotten me to think of a human phenomenon that many of us experience. I've heard it referred to as second guessing and Monday morning quarterbacking to name but two. It seems like we humans are doomed to be vulnerable to look back at moments in time when we had a choice to make. We re-examine those moments past in light of the present and are quick to judge the results in a negative tone if the choice was later doubted.These excursions into the past to pass judgment on prior events are not limited to choices the individual makes. We tend to use this strategy in our following of various sports and their teams. After an individual play or an entire game, the conversation among the fans always includes some one saying what could have been done to change the outcome. "If they would have this then they could have that" or "they should have gone to the so and so play" is almost like the proverbial broken record. Whenever we are given a choice it sets the stage for the possibility of being right or wrong. Unless we are dealing with a science, like 2+2 is 4 or 5, then it is just about impossible to know whether we are right or wrong until after the choice is made. As a kid, whenever I told my mom of a choice I was making, I would hear, "Are you sure?". The implication was that I should be sure before I made the decision. Young ears take that as a strong lesson to learn. Don't make a decision unless you know that it is the right one or you will suffer the consequences. One of the protective reactions I have seen to the fear of making a wrong choice is to ask others what they think. "Should I do this or that?" or "Which one should I wear?" is echoed through out the land. As long as I carry around the fear of making a wrong choice, I will be vulnerable to all sorts of things what will add to the difficulties of living life. I will be afraid of making decisions and will be vulnerable to letting others make them for me. This creates a dependency that, though protecting me from what I am afraid of, it makes me angry that I am dependent on someone else. When an other persons opinion is wrong I can blame them and when they are right I can become reliant on them. I have come to realize that we are all vulnerable to falling into the trap of the 'shoulda, woulda, coulda' syndrome. I will try to recognize it in the future and not get bogged down in self flagellation. It isn't easy. Nobody ever warned me about that, How Come?
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